Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: egon@tasmanet.com (Cole Tuininga)
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1998 19:30:00 PDT

The following is supposedly from the US Government Peace Corps Manual
for its volunteers who work in the Amazon Jungle. It tells what to do in
case you are attacked by an anaconda. Now an anaconda is the largest
snake in the world. It is a relative of the boa constrictor, it grows to
thirty-five feet in length and weighs between three and four hundred
pounds at the maximum.  This is what the manual said:
 
1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster
than you are.

2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your
legs tight against one another.

3. Tuck your chin in.

4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and climb over your body.

5. Do not panic

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from
the feet and - always from the end. Permit the snake to swallow your
feet and ankles. Do not panic.

7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body.  You must
lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.

8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly and with as little
movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide
it into the side of the snake's mouth between the edge of its mouth and
your leg. then suddenly rip upwards, severing the snake's head.

9. Be sure you have your knife.

10. Be sure your knife is sharp.